how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
