Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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