only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
