i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
