Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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