we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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