dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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