you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
