Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
That accounts for only three of the penises
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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