Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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