Its about making memories worth repressing
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just high enough for therapy.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
