All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
