Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I need a beard to bite.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
