Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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