Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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