4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
North Korea, Best Korea!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
