hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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