We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
