I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
