if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
