i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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