finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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