Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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