You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
