Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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