I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
