She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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