I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
