She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
