I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
