why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
