I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
