i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Randomize
