I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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