ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
