I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
