Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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