Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
