the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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