We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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