You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
