After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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