sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
