like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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