I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
