Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
