Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
