First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
