oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
