I'm jealous of your bromance
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
