i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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