He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
