I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
