Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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