I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
