She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
