I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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