Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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