Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
