Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
