i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
