Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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